So much food porn..
I follow quite a few Tumblogs where the person goes on a pastry/cake/cookie/pie photo spree. It is downright torture at times, but food is something we need every day. I understand why gorgeous food and drink are romanticized. As a struggling food addict, these pictures sometimes cause a bit of anguish. Maybe I should unfollow the person, but I still enjoy many of the other things they post. Also, most people with eating disorders seem to like to torture themselves, or at least this person does.
That leads up to these pictures- as a recovering food addict, doing this and the other cakes I have done lately is pretty much a binge in the making. I am really conflicted as I enjoy doing this and I love the people I bake for. However, I cannot do these cakes without triggering a binge, although I am better able to control myself than before.
Last year in April, I threw away almost 8 years of abstinence- I am still struggling with that fateful decision to eat one of my addictive substances. The weight gain is not the only thing that gets me upset; obsession with weight, food and the up/down emotions that go along with being in the throes of addiction also stink. I pray that I can get back on track- this lapse has been hell.
There, I got that off my chest! Now I should go back to reading my book- Food Addiction, the Body Knows- this is what started my journey to be in control of my addiction; I can go back to that state if I want to do the work…