I have read more than once about the fear of success; it must be real. I have done better with , , than ever, enjoy teaching and making such fun custom listings, have 3 great kids and a fantastic husband. On top of all that, I get to do what I love all day if I want! Why then, have I fallen into the trap of addictive eating? I don’t know, but it rankles me still that I blew eight years of abstinence from addictive substances to be bingeing, purging and obsessing about food again- bleh!
Could it be my way of whining about my dystonia? I wonder if that is the core reason. It is progressing and sometimes scares me a bit. Others have it way worse, I tell myself, but when I have trouble standing up straight or walking, I get freaked out. I am used to the pain, but worry that I am not going to be able to do what I want to do. I know intellectually that all things happen for a reason, and that the world won’t end if I can’t do everything- I have had a decline in physical capability for about 5 years now. Perhaps I am having a pity-party. Food won’t help! So I am going to renew my efforts to abstain from addictive substances- flour, sugar, wheat and caffeine. I will probably feel much better and my head games will stop! Cross your fingers, pray- whatever it is you do :) I appreciate it!
Update- I think putting this down on the interwebs has helped me to be more accountable- at least this week! Eating crap won’t make me feel better- I imagine it is all part of God’s perfect plan for me in my life. I can’t do anything without His Grace!